This month marks 17 years I tested positive. 17 years. Holy shit! It’s a little surreal for me.
Today, I’m going out for breakfast with my mom and a friend of hers. Then we’re meeting Claudia at the movie theater to see ‘Alice in Wonderland’…..
Hmmm, here’s to 17 years!
As I drove to work this morning, I noticed a cat walking in circles up ahead. I changed lanes and slowed down. There was feces and what looked like urine next to the cat and I saw the cat meowing as it walked in circles. The side of it’s mouth was bloody. It was very apparent it had just been hit by a car and had lost it’s bodily functions. I wanted to stop but what the hell would I have done? I don’t even have a cell phone. There was nothing I could’ve done. I drove by and looked in my rear view mirror. The cat dropped on it’s side with it’s legs quickly kicking. It was dying. My heart broke. My eyes welt up with tears. It was a horrible sight. I’d never seen an animal suffer so much. Other cars were slowing down as I turned and drove onto the freeway.
I’ve had that image with me all day…..and even as I’m typing this, I’m ready to burst into tears. When I drove home from work, there was no sign of the cat. I guess someone called the pet control to have them pick up the cat and clean the area.
Heartbreaking.
Trip to San Diego was great! Although, I did begin to get sick the Monday we flew out. On Tuesday, I had to buy some NyQuil to sleep because Monday night I was all achy and coughing. Enough of the sickness….I enjoyed my vacation. The one thing that always holds me back a little ~ a little something about me here ~ is my club feet.
I was born with clubbed feet. Had operations when I was a toddler and again in my adolescence. Pretty much grew up in casts. The Dr. who operated wasn’t very good because I have very bad scars on my feet ~ which is why I do not like to be bare foot in public…..a self conscious thing but I also cannot walk or stand for long periods of time because then my feet hurt and they begin to swell. My feet have always been like this. There was A LOT of walking in San Diego. By the end of the day, my feet were killing me! BUT it was worth it! We returned on Friday afternoon ~ today is Sunday and my left foot still hurts! I’m limping around like a hurt puppy. Yea, unfortunate to say that my feet are bad. I love going on vacation but I also know there’s going to be a lot of walking around no matter where we go but I can only walk so much before I begin to limp.
Ahhh, San Diego….the fresh cool air which would suddenly turn into fresh, fishy air when walking on the beach. It was cold! The difference between the locals and the visitors was obvious….the locals were always jogging in shorts, guys were shirtless, people were riding bikes ~ the locals were tanned! The visitors had on light jackets, were pale skinned and not exercising! It was great! Mission Bay was right outside our hotel and the beach was a cross walk away. Even though there was sooo much walking, it was relaxing. Just to get away for a week….to walk barefoot on the beach which was something my mom had to convince me to do because I had on my tennis shoes and wouldn’t go barefoot. Finally I told myself “So what, who cares.” Took off my shoes and socks, rolled up my pants and walked along side with my mom picking up sea shells.
On Monday when we arrived, we quickly walked across the street to the beach and just caught the sunset. Tuesday, we walked around the neighborhood, walked on the beach, then walked on Mission Beach to our hotel. Wednesday, we took a city tour which wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. That lasted ALL day. We began at Old Town, San Diego Harbour and to Coronado to visit the Hotel Del Coronado. Beautiful place. The whole sub area was gorgeous. We had some lunch there ~ very expensive but well worth it. We stopped at Balboa Park ~ HUGE! Beautiful park. Waaay to much to see in a couple of hours. A whole day is needed to really enjoy that park. Passed through Little Italy and ended where we began ~ at Old Town. We spent an hour and 45 minutes there, walking up and down the streets, visiting all the shops and we still didn’t see all of Old Town! We were back at our Hotel by 5:30 pm. Exhausted! Thursday, we spent it walking up and down the beach and walking into all the different shops along the way. Eating ocean side…..it was great.
All in all, it was….relaxing. Dreading work tomorrow to see bitch supervisor….hmmm, I wonder how much more vacation time I have. I wonder how Key West, Florida is……
First….I’m not to sure I like Facebook anymore. Boy, was my good friend right, everyone knows what the hell I’m doing one I change anything. Cheers to you my crazy little nut! (whom by the way, I excitedly spoke to again ~ AAHHHHHH ~ ok) And now I’ve got people from High School wanting to be my friend. I hated High School. I didn’t hate the people, I just hated High School and once we graduated….good riddance to everyone! Although, there have been some absolute wonderful people who are my friends and am more than happy to share anything with them…..Maybe I need to lighten up so I’m going on vacation on a nice stressful note…..which leads me to my second thing:
I think I’m getting sick again! What the hell! At first I thought I was sore because I cleaned house Saturday…..but the aching hasn’t stopped and along with the aching, I’m getting a headache and chills which have now turned into me feeling quite warm ~ fever?…..and I am sooo sleepy. I’m so tired. My body’s beginning to hurt. This isn’t good. This just can’t happen again. Excedrin here I come.
Third. Claudia was supposed to come over this Sunday night so she wouldn’t have to drive in morning traffic before we leave to the airport. She called. In a suffering voice, she said she was in bed all day yesterday sore as hell. She had gone to a free class on boxing….Friday. Now, she can’t move so she’s staying home and will be here early in the morning. I don’t know why that pissed me off but it did…..again, I need to lighten up. Well, I stocked up the fridge for her…bought some food and beer. Surprising thing is, I wasn’t even tempted to have one beer! Get a load of that!
I seriously hope this isn’t a sign of how bad things are going to go in San Diego….stop it! Negative thinking! Everything’s going to go fine. I’m going to drug myself up, drink plenty of water, go to bed early…..and tomorrow morning will be the beginning of a great vacation! It’ll work out and I’ll return refreshed, relaxed and less….less tense!
I have found a new addiction….FACEBOOK!
Yes, I have now ventured into the world of internet and finally opened a facebook account. I have seen the reality that there are other web sites that can be more addictive than Xtube!
And just like sex ~ from what I can remember ~ I shall experiment…press buttons….and see how much I can do.
Ok, it really doesn’t but I like the title! This exercise thing hurts!
I remembered my mom has a treadmill….in her closet. I got it out, moved it to the living room right next to the stepper and that’s what I do while I’m watching TV. I get on the stepper with those damn arm bands then I get on the treadmill. Agggghhhh, my arms! My legs! They hurt! And not in a good way!
Alright….time to get back on…..hmm, kinda wish I was talking about a man…..
I am going on a vacation! Last year was shit year for me and I didn’t do anything or go anywhere…well, I’m heading out next week.
I looked into going to San Francisco again and even though I fell in love with the city, I wanted to go someplace I hadn’t been before so I looked on the internet and decided to go to San Diego. I had mentioned it to my mom and she was the one who suggested we go next week ~ for my birthday.
Did some searching on the web and found a Resort & Spa, by the bay no less, with fantastic rates! I asked Claudia if she wanted to join us but she didn’t want to because she’s still not working, this is her last month to receive her unemployment check and didn’t want to spend too much money. I asked her if she would stay the week at the house ~ house sit. She agreed to that.
Aahhhh, a Resort & Spa….by the bay! I am sooo looking forward to it!
I’m giving myself a great Birthday present!
<Deep Sigh>
I had a moment there yesterday. I feel embarrassed. Not only because of my feelings but also of a picture I posted on a forum. By trying to be funny, I honestly didn’t notice the full frontal nudity ~ honestly. I was quickly scanning for shirtless men and I was only looking at chests. Unfortunately, I failed to completely look at the whole picture. I know that sounds stupid. How can I not notice a full frontal….but I didn’t and someone pointed that out to me….
Ok, yesterday was not a good day for me. I just need to shake if off….
My past haunts me……I want to leave it behind, yet I can’t let it go. As much as my past hurts me…..it’s the only life I know.
My past is what I miss…..My past is what I remember feeling alive….and yet…..My past is what makes me sad….My past breaks my heart….My past broke me…..
I want to love….yet, I can’t…..I don’t…..and I won’t….
Ok, I didn’t have a healthy lunch. A coworker took a creme filled cake with cool whip frosting….ahhhhh…ooooooohhh…I….could not….resist…..BUT I did go out and bought an exercise thingy! It’s a “mini stepper with resistance tubes”. Ooooooooooo…..
I tried it out when I arrived home from work….Holy shit! My legs and my arms were burning….and that was only in five minutes! Oh yea, I’m sooo out of shape. This was a good thingy to get.
