Militant Cactus

Yes, I know!!  Here I am again a mere 2 weeks after my last post.  I’m either getting the hang of this blogging lark or I really have got too much time on my hands!

So first things first – I got me a new job!  Maybe…….  I’m off for a trial day tomorrow, so I’m keeping fingers crossed (need to keep the cash coming in!).  It’s working at a local opticians, so it should be a doddle!  And of course with my charm and charisma they’d be mad not to hire me!!!!!!

Yesterday I went for my second appointment at my new clinic, and I’m stunned.  “Why?” you may ask….. well, I was in and out within 15 minutes!  All the usual checks, chat with the Doctor and meds picked up and I was done.  I kind of walked out feeling a bit confused, wondering if everything that is usually done had really been done!  And of course realising that I had the rest of the day free!  Unheard of for a man that is used to an oversubscribed clinic in London.  I could get used to this!  To top it off my CD4 is up to 320 so I’m well chuffed!

In other news, the missus has nearly finished decorating one room, and I’ve been doing some carpentry (Oh how butch!) in preparation for painting the kitchen ready for the new cupboards.  Slowly, so very slowly the house is becoming our own.

And Finally………….

Living in a town, I wasn’t surprised to see a bit of graffiti on our front wall this week.  I kind of wanted to keep it but Steve was unsure that “cock” was socially acceptable!  (I countered that cock is always acceptable: socially or otherwise!)

I’m so bad at this blogging lark!!  It’s been over a month since my last confession post, and I put it down to several reasons:

1. I’ve been moving
2. I’ve felt like crap
3. I’m a little lazy
4. Although I spend a lot of time on the internet, this blog is way down the list!!

On and off through life, I’ve tried to do diaries.  I’m not very good at them……  I tend to start with good intentions, or write in them every 3 months or so!!  I’m finding the same with this!!

But enough of the excuses!!  Lets get back to filling in the blanks…….

So, we moved out of our old place 10thDecember.  Everything went into storage and we moved in with a friend for a couple of weeks.  We got the new place on 18th December and moved in on 21st December.  Hurrah!!  Then I got a chest infection over xmas and New Year and spent New Years Day sobbing in an over-dramatic way wondering what the hell we’d done moving and hating the new place!!

Once I’d got over myself and saw a doctor who decided to give me something to shift the crap from my lungs,  I finally began to settle into the new place.  Dramatics over – I love it!!  Big Victorian place, so many rooms, so much work to be done!!  The previous owner had done a huge amount to the place, but not very well!! so out comes the sander, the polyfiller, the lining paper, paint etc, etc……  and I’m getting excited!  This is going to be fun (hard work and no quick fixes, but fun!).

After I’ve finished writing this I’m going to pop into town and see if I can get a job!  There’s also a local hiv charity that I want to pop into and see what we can do for each other.  I guess the new life starts now!

In other news, I spoke to my Texan buddy last weekend – he’s such a sweetie!  You’d like him!

So, see you all again in another 1/2/3/4 month(s)*

*delete as necessary

One week to go til me and the missus are officially homeless!

Yep, that’s right – everything’s packed and bubble wrapped and on Thursday December 10th, we leave our house for the last time, keys are handed to the new owners, and all our stuff gets put in storage. As for us, well we have nowhere to live!! Thankfully a friend has offered us her sofabed for a couple of weeks, which hopefully will be long enough to sign contracts and move into our new house.

As you can imagine though, we are incredibly stressed! What happenes if everything goes wrong??! Over Christmas it doesn’t bear thinking about! I just want to move and (altogether now……) RELAX!!!!!! Feeling stressed (to make a change!), tired and achey.

My parents are due to sign contracts and move into their new place around the same time as us, so we haven’t even got them as a fallback plan! Talk about everything happening at once!

My last day at work is this Saturday, which I really am looking forward to. One less thing to worry about!

I’ve always been a worrier, which in turn has always had a bad effect on my digestive system – from heartburn to upset stomach.
Since my diagnosis I’ve had recurring thrush which brings back bad memories of tubes down the throat, and my ability to differentiate between thrush and acid reflux has somewhat diminished.

 Add to that the stress of buying and selling property and I’m all frazzled. The UK has to have the worst systems in place for moving – 3 months on and nothing has moved towards completion and everything is hanging by a thread. With so much of myself put into this move I’m near breaking point.

Not something I talk of lightly. But after making phonecall after phonecall to agents and solicitors daily for well over 3 weeks, without anyone seemingly understanding that the woman I’m buying from is nuts – well I’m at a loss.
There is so much at stake, so many foundations laid – and it seems to be crashing round my ears.
I’m pulling away from friends and wallowing. Not a feeling I enjoy by any means – and yes, I’m sure it will all work out and “things happen for a reason” as so many people have been telling me, but I just need something to happen!!
I’m a man who likes to be in control and at the moment I’m anything but…….
I’m just not sure there are enough indigestion tablets to get me through!!

And then my oven blew up……..

This month is cursed!

How do I know?

Well first up I get a cold on my birthday – cue hot lemon drinks, snotty tissues and serious “woe-is-me” attitude, then the house sale goes tits up, then sorts itself out, then goes tits up again, my clinic appointment gets cancelled and I have no idea when that’ll get rescheduled (and because I haven’t got my new numbers, I’ve now lost one of my stars on PLM!!), and today I got a parking ticket!

Just waiting to be ravaged by a wild dog……

Yesterday I went to have my bloods done. An hour journey on a road where you take your life into your hands it’s so dangerous, and arrived at the clinic/building site with a couple of minutes to spare.

As soon as I walked in, I just had a feeling that things would not go well. It was soooo quiet in there, and this is a clinic in East London – trust me, it’s NEVER quiet. The other people waiting were all women and there didn’t seem to be many doctors/nurses/health advisors around. But hey – I sat and waited to be called.

10 minutes later I had my name called (again unheard of!! Usually at least half an hour), and I was taken to have my blood sucked. Once we got in the room, the nurse asked which arm I wanted to give and I explained that my left arm was usually best, to which he grumbled and got me to move the chair so he could get a better stab at it! Then (and this is where I REALLY started to worry) he said he needed more light because he didn’t see very well!!!!! So after trying (and failing) to put on a lamp, he gets to work!

To cut a long story short – 45 minutes later, 2 nurses, 1 health advisor, 2 arms, 4 needle holes and 3 plasters later, I’m told that they really haven’t been able to take all the blood they wanted and could I come back next week!! “Erm….ok”, I said “What about my urine sample?” To which the reply was “I’m not sure we need one but, ok, if you like!!”

Now I know my veins aren’t that easy and don’t like to play sometimes but I really didn’t think it’d be THAT difficult! So just as I’m about to leave, one of the needle jabbers says “Yeah, hopefully we’ll have a Phlebotomist next week”. Oh great – so does that mean that actually it was the cleaners who were trying to take my blood??!

When I went to re-book the appointment the receptionist then decided that it was her right to know EXACTLY the reason I had to come back next week (all the while, the gold cross around her neck glimmered at me, and I could see in her eyes that she was praying for my soul!).

As you can imagine, I was not in the best of moods afterwards, but the really stupid thing is my reaction to their faces……. “No, honestly, that’s fine…………….!”"

Arggghhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why on earth did I agree to moving??! I had forgotten how stressful the whole process can be, with solicitors taking their sweet time over everything, vendors being bloody annoying and not being able to fill forms in properly, and the excitement I had has pretty much gone because it’s taking so long.

I think this is the only country in the world where it takes F-O-R-E-V-E-R!!

I’m not the most patient person in the world and my stress levels have reached critical!! I’m off to have my bloods done on Monday, so I may check if they can inject me with something to put me to sleep until this whole hideous experience is over!

Drama Queen?? You betcha! Somebody slap me!!!!!!!!!

Me and the missus are off to the coast tomorrow to check out the clinic near to where we’re hopefully moving to. I have a huge tick-list to get through, including (deep breath…..), clinic, hospital, doctors, hiv support group, dentist, opticians (for possible job), shops, pubs, chippy (yum!), Spirtualist Church for Steve, and drive-by looks at a couple of houses for the folks if we get chance!!

I feel tired already!!

So this is me when I’m worried.

I think about stuff over and over, in every different way, considering every way things could go wrong, not daring to be horrible to anyone or think bad thoughts just in case Karma gets involved and snatches away the things I want. So I shut up, don’t talk about it and stew! Many visits to the toilet – yup my stomach hates me and makes me pay for all that worrying!

But (whisper quietly, coz it could all go tits up) we’ve sold the house and had our offer accepted on the place we’re after. Holy crap I’m excited!! But that’s the problem – it’s bound to go wrong (See Mark – it’s not just you!!!!). And then there’s the worry about finding work, because I’m not moving down the road – it’s 100 miles away.

I’d also forgotten how stressful moving is – not to mention expensive!!! Perry, we finished doing what you’re doing at the moment a few weeks back, and it kind of made me love our house a bit more but also set in stone our plans to up sticks! I no longer feel like this is our house, and the people who looked at my wallpaper and pulled a face or said “I’d never think of using red in a room” really didn’t bother me – if they have plans to rip out all the internal walls and reconstruct them with bits of Lego and baking potatoes, well good for them!! I’m just keeping everything crossed that it all works out, and crapping my pants at the thought!

So that’s my news, and that’ll be all until everything is confirmed, papers are signed and keys are handed over………