Well its day 2, things are going well Cub has been very supportive. Which isREALLY helping. Did my first work out today using the fitness DVD we brought.  15 minutes of hell, but I must admit that I felt better after doing it, well once I got my breath back that is.

Cub did it as well and worked up quite a sweat (mmmm nice sweaty Cub).

Tonight cooked a great fish dish and yes I do feel very positive and full. At the moment fruit is helping with my sweet craving and I find a pickled onion or two helps as well ( god am I pregnant?) .

I also got some great clothes that did fit and felt very trendy when we went out today, no more “Unfashionable Daddy”

So it onwards and upwards……………………………… I must look out the old Madonna leotard !!!!

It was sod’s law. I’d just got my daughter, Tasha, off to sleep, now, my dog, Dixie, was barking like mad to be fed. I opened the kitchen cupboard, only to see there wasn’t a single tin of dog food left. I felt like crying. Worst of all, I knew Dixie wouldn’t shut up until she’d filled her stomach.
‘We must have something,’ I said, as I peered inside the fridge.
Then I spotted the bottles of breast milk I’d expressed earlier that day.

Admittedly, Tasha, 17 months, was quite old to still be breastfeeding, but I loved the bond it gave us, so I’d decided to carry on. It was free, too, which was good, because since I’d split up with her dad, Ted Collins, 35, when she was 3 months old, money was tight.
I’d always produced more milk than Tasha could drink, so I’d got into the habit of keeping some in the fridge for when I left her with a babysitter.
I stared at the milk and then back at Dixie. I couldn’t, could I?
But her barking deafened me.
‘What’s the worst that can happen?’ I said, grabbing one of the bottles and pouring it in her bowl.
Dixie sniffed her bowl, and in no time at all, she’d lapped it up. I started to wonder.

Was I the only one who fed breast milk to a dog? I got on the internet, and within minutes I’d found no end of women who’d breastfed dogs, cats, even pigs. A lot of them didn’t just pour the milk into their pet’s bowls, they let them suckle at their breasts, too.
‘Oh my God,’ I gasped, as I looked at a photo of a woman with a cat suckling on her boob.
Surely that was unhygienic? Not to mention painful?
But the more I read, the more normal it seemed.
It’s almost as rewarding as feeding a baby, one woman had written.

That night, I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Clearly, Dixie liked my milk.
So a few nights later, after I’d fed Tasha, Dixie jumped on the settee and I held my left
boob towards her. I squeezed out some milk, and wiped it around my nipple.
Within seconds, her long, pink tongue was gently licking my skin.
It tickled at first, but then, as she started suckling away, it didn’t feel much different to having Tasha there.
‘You liked that, didn’t you girl?’ I said, as she gently pawed my chest.
Despite having a mouthful of sharp teeth, she didn’t bite me and 10 minutes later, I gently pulled her off.

I was itching to tell someone about it.
But how? My mum, Jane, 62, and my mates would think I’d gone mad. So I kept it to myself.
But to be on the safe side, I rang the doctor and told him. He went quiet.
‘I-I suppose there isn’t a risk if they’re both healthy…’ he stammered.
That put my mind at rest. That lunchtime, I let Tasha feed from my left breast, then Dixie from my right. I disinfected myself afterwards. I didn’t expect everyone to be quite so open-minded, though.

So I didn’t tell my boyfriend of one month, Paul Murphy, 33.
On 15 October, I missed my period and was thrilled to find out I was pregnant.
Sadly, things didn’t work out with me and Paul, so after four months together, we split.
Two months on, Tasha isn’t feeding any more, so it’s a relief to have Dixie sucking some of the milk out of my swollen boobs.
I still feed her twice a day for 20 minutes a time.

My baby’s due in June and I’ll stop breastfeeding Dixie when I’m three months pregnant. Then I’ll express milk for her and start breastfeeding her again once the baby reaches 4 months. Yes, it’s weird. But it works for us.

Dixie, Tasha and I are happy, so you can think what you like, but I reckon you shouldn’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it!

To see the photo click HERE

Please note I was NOT me or our dog Dixie!

I have had weight issues all my life and have lost weight and put it back on for years. Have been to Weight Watchers, Slimming World, you name it!!! Mostly I have been the only guy at meetings. It seems to me that men being over-wieght is not taken seriously, it seems to be OK to be a man and over weight. But for me its a constant nightmare, I am unhappy with my body image, get depressed and end up comfort eating. It just goes around and around, the more depressed I get the more I eat, the more I eat the fatter I get.

I am guessing  I weigh around 279 lb.  which for my height is not good. I have been on and off diets for years, have gone to slimming clubs. My weigh has gone up and down for years, the most I have lost is 84 lb. But of course it went back on …. and more.

I am a great worrier and when I worry or stress then I eat. So just recently I have been eating for England, hence I am now the size of a small country. Shopping for clothes is a nightmare. Being so fat its difficult to get clothes to fit, going into men clothes shops are a nightmare, their XXL labels are a joke, you still need to be Kate Moss like to get into them even with an XXL label.

The shop assistants look at you like you are some kind freak! I tend to shop on line, however that is hit and miss too!

Today 3 tee-shirt came through, great, trendy ones too, great, all 2XXL, great, but none fitted! Well they did if I wanted to look like a over stuffed sausage. Is instead of reaching for the food I decided to reach for Alli.

Alli is an over the counter slimming pill (slimming aid). It stops your body from  absorbing the fat in the food you eat. It has its side-effects (orange oily stools, how nice! – diet related treatment effects).

I start them in the morning as, I have 2 weeks to my USA holiday so I am hoping to have drop a pound or six by then. I will still have loads more to lose, but by losing some before I go, I hopefully will not put on to much while away.

All this talk of slimming is making me hungry !!!  I am off for my last “fish and chips” for the next few months !!!

Yummy !!!!

Booked a holiday ………… well to be honest 3

Queue hyperventilating !!!!!

We are off to Orlando for 2 weeks with Mickey Mouse …….. queue lots of screaming while riding roller coasters  !

Then a month later 2 weeks in Thailand, a week in Bangkok and a week in Chiang- Mai …………. queue “love you long-time”

Finally ending the year in Turkey for a week ………….. queue woof woof Turkish men !!

I have never been away so much ………. happy happy joy joy ♥

Looking back :-

♥  Left my job after 10 years – thank god

♥  Sold our house and moved to the countryside

Looking forward:-

♥  Holidays in the USA and Thailand ( and Turkey – don’t tell my sister !)
♥  Having saving for the first time in my life
♥  Looking for a new job – does anyone what to employ a 50 year old HIV worker?
♥  Cub learning to drive
♥  Staying well and getting fitter – yes I will be using the bike once the bloody snow has gone!

Most of all a stress free life (more reduced stress), no more doing a job that I was being to hate (not the people more to do with the organisations politics and backstabbing). Not having to worry about money all the time (that ones a difficult one to let go off).

And lastly – my HIV – its very easy to use the excuse of not being near a good clinic to let things slide. As you all know I find it hard taking the pills, I just don’t get this take them and you will stay well for longer crap.

They have become a whip to punish me with, if I don’t take them I am letting Cub down as he worries I might get ill. I feel bad if he asks me if I have “taken my pills”, I hate myself as feel that I have let him down.

Yet this is still not a motivator, what the fuck is wrong with me?

Happy 2010 …………..

I have found a new GP who is great, a women who is so friendly its unbelievable. She was interested in me and did not seem in a hurry to get to the next appointment. I told I was HIV which do not floor her,  she went on to say that HIV services in Devon were crap and that she would not recommend them. I should go to a clinic that is 1.5 hours away from where I live to get treatment!!!

I said that I would stay with my clinic that I am now with even though its much further away. The good thing is that my GP can take my bloods so I will only need to go to the clinic once every 6 months.

She suggested that I had the swine flu jab and booked a time for the following Saturday. Both Cub and I were going to have it done. Cub is not positive but as a partner of someone who is it is recommend that he has it.

We turned up for the jab, we were shown to a waiting room that had chairs and a curtain in it cutting the room in half. On the other side of the curtain was a nurse and someone at a PC. I was called behind the curtain and sat down on the chair with my sleeve rolled up.

Nurse : Why are you having this vaccination?

Me – realising that the curtain was not soundproof and everyone else sitting on the other side could hear what was being said

Could I have a pice of paper please to write down my answer  - HIV!!!!!!

Said nurse and person at PC both went “Oh!” and the nurse strapped on some rubber gloves !!!! Did she do this when giving the injections to others? I don’t think so. I did bleed a bit and was offered the bin to throw anyway the bloody cotton wool, she was not going to touch that thank you very much!!!

Next in went Cub, the same question to him, why, he said that he was my partner, which she replied, “same problem?” . All those years of training to be so sensitive have really paid off. No said Cub but I am “the partner of …….”

“Oh!” she said and jab his arm, still be-gloved in rubber !!!

The good thing is that other than having a sore arm not bad side-effects to the flu jab.

Cant wait for my next HIV moment

Well after much, shall we shall we not we decided to go with the house in the grounds of a Stalely Home. It is a 2.5 bedroom mews cottage, it use to be a barn or servants quarters for the big house. There are 3 of them in a small caught yard, to get to the house you need to go down a private road that looks like something from Narnia, towards the bottom of the road you go under a low bridge. Plants and trees cover the road on both sides, its truly magical.

We have met the Lord of the Estate, who is friendly and down to earth, so are the other people who live there.

I know we will be very happy there.

This is not our house, we live behind this wonderful house, in a place  called Escot Park